By the way...

as you can see, I'm feeling very loquacious, verbose, effusive, and chatty today.

Now, back to our regularly scheduled program.

Fate?

Morpheus: Do you believe in fate, Neo?
Neo: No.
Morpheus: Why not?
Neo: Because I don't like the idea that I'm not in control of my life.

When I first saw The Matrix, this was the one exchange that totally hit home. Religion seem to teach that your fate, or destiny, is predetermined and that it is all part of a grand plan by someone we can't see. I have struggled with this for years. Is my life predestined, or am I making the choices? Like Neo, I like to think that I'm in control, because without that it doesn't seem like much fun. I dont' color within the lines; I run with scissors; I walk under ladders; I walk out in front of moving cars. I don't do it to tempt fate (whatever that means), but I do it to convince myself that I am in control. If I jab myself with the scissors it's because I was stupid enough to run with them pointing directly at my leg; if the ladder falls on me it's because it wasn't secured properlyl and I was stupid for walking under it, not because I broke the holy trinity; and if I get hit by a car...well, I think I would do more damage to the car than it would to me so I'm not too worried about that.

I like to feel that I am in control of me, but I'm not a control freak. I feel that if I can see/hear/feel what's going on, I can at least react accordingly given all known parameters. One reason I don't drink is because I don't feel in total control of my own actions, and I don't like this feeling. I like to know that whatever it is that I do is because of a conscious choice that was thought through completely. Sure, I make rash decisions and follow my first reactions, but even then I still feel in control of what I'm doing. My dichotic thought process becomes a bit cloudy when taking into consideration outside happenings that I can't control. When an external event happens, I tend to think that it happened for a reason, but yet I can still control my reaction to it...so while I believe in the fateful event, I feel that my reaction is not fate but a conscious decision on my part (i.e., not fate).

Sure, I think I may have lost myself there, but I guess I just can't grasp teh concept of fate. I guess it's just that if I believe in fate, I have surrendered free will. This is not a proposition that I am comfortable with. But, if I dismiss the idea of fate, I must also accept that serendipity, chance, and happenstance don't exist, which I am also not comfortable with dismissing. I think this will be an issue that I will continue struggling with, because I have no proof either way and my logical engineering reasoning becomes conflicted with my moral upbringing (plus, believing in fate is an easy excuse). It's getting late, and as you can see, I've put way too much thought into this. These are the things that I think about when I get free time. Scary, huh? Well, that and I'm still trying to figure out that if corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?

Cheers,
Rocco

I speak sooth

Alright, interview season is in full swing here in my office. We're iterviewing law school students for summer positions for next summer. Of course, this takes me back to when I was going through the whole process and made me remember that maybe I'm just a lost soul.

The one question that I always seem to have been asked was "where do you see yourself in 10 years?" Now, I firmly believe that in an interview there is always a "right" answer and an answer that will get you the PHI letter immediately. The key to interviewing is to actually know the "right" answer. Whether that is the answer you give or not is up to you at that point. However, the "where do I want to be in 10 years question" has always given me a problem.

I know that the WRONG answer is: "probably not working here." Ok, so I've now established the baseline or what NOT to say if I want the interview to continue. What is the right answer?

Right now, I'm single, so one possible answer would be "I want to be married and have some kids". While this is a viable answer, it is not necessarily true. I'm not really looking right now, so to say that I want to be married in 10 years is quite a stretch, even for me who, as my family graciously points out, "makes stuff up." So I guess this isn't quite the "right" answer, particularly for me.

I'm now resigned to the fact that the "right" answer is: "I want to be a partner having multiple $1M clients." Everyone knows all firms want rainmakers. Am I that person...absolutely not. I am the doer, not the talker. While I can talk anyone's ear off, combined with the fact that I am extremely convincing, I just don't feel comfortable in the schmoozing environment. If I have the business, it will be done right...that I can guarantee. I work hard so I can play hard, but the one thing I'm sure of is that I don't want to be a partner. Yeah, for everyone but me, this seems to be the end-all, be-all of the big firm environment, but I've always been a grinder.

This leaves me knowing the "right" answer, knowing the "wrong" answer, but wanting to give either because I wouldn't be telling the truth. I look around my office and see the two groups: the "married with kids/make partner if they feel so generous" and the "I'm going to be a partner if it's the last thing I ever do" groups. I also look around and see that I think I'm the only person not in either of these groups, which leaves me as the lone soul in the morass of barristering. This leaves me in quite a quandry, because seeing that I have no answer for the expectant question, I have come up with a simple response that I think fits with both my personality and the truth: "if I were a soothseer, I wouldn't be here interviewing with you."

Cheers,
Rocco

P.S. As an aside, when I am interviewing potential candidates, I do like to ask this question just to see what others are predicting the "right" answer that I'm looking for. Yeah, I ended a sentence with a proposition, er preposition, but hey, I'm an engineer and we all talk like that!

P.P.S. In my very first legal inteview, I did learn the "wrong" answer...when someone asks "why did you decide to go to law school/be a patent attorney instead of being an engineer" the WRONG ANSWER is "so I can save the world" no matter how much conviction is put behind the answer.

Halloween

I think I've come to the conclusion that Halloween is only for kids and old people (like my parents!), but does not provide much for people my age. Little kids have the opportunity to get dressed up in funny costumes, which are sometimes made by the parents, and go out trick-or-treating. Why do they call it that when the only thing the little kids care about is the treating? They don't even know any good tricks...until I teach them some!

And then there's the 'tweeners...late teens to mid-thirties. Too old to dress up and ask complete strangers for some free candy. Unfortunately, some of the people in this age group take it upon themselves to do the tricking part, but it is usually illegal activity so it's not really much of a trick as it is vandalism. I was working hard from home last Halloween, which meant that a couple of my lights in the house were on so I could do work...however, I did not turn on my porch light, which I thought was the indication that I was a house giving out candy. Regardless, the doorbell rang constantly all night, but seeing as I was working pretty hard and had not even gotten candy to give out, I just let them ring until they realized I wasn't answering. I realized the next day that some stupid punks in my neighborhood must have been slighted that I didn't give them free candy, so they egged my house...vandalism. What kind of irresponsible parent would allow their kids to go out on Halloween with a carton of eggs...and if the parent's weren't aware that their kids were even going out, well that's irresponsible as well. (can you sense the bitterness?!)

Then there's my parents, and even my grandpa...they go to a costume party every year which usually includes all of my extended family living anywhere near my hometown. Funny thing is, I don't think any of them go to costume shops to get the generic costumes that everyone else has on...NOOOOOOOOO. They make them from scratch. Now, this isn't a kids' costume that you can just throw some pieces of fabric together, call them a bum and you're set. Nope, there is some serious tailoring going on. It's probably because people in the older age group actually know how to sew, and they don't want to get shown up by the neighbor who won best costume last year, so these folks go all-out in trying to outdo everyone else...but this becomes the fun part for the old people. In the end, they are just like kids...dressing up for the fun of it (and for the kids, the reward is candy). Maybe it's their way of chasing their ever-fleeting youth.

So where does that leave me and my age group? Chasing the little kids around the neighborhood (if we've got kids) or chasing our parents around the neighborhood (because they never tell you where they're going or when they're coming back), which leave us...stuck in the middle.

Cheers,
Rocco

Guilty Pleasure

I admit...I love to cook. Unfortunately, I don't know a whole lot of dishes to make, but I enjoy trying different things and using different ingredients. I don't even think I'm all that great at it, but it's sufficient for me. There's just something about it that is fun. I think part of it is that when I do cook, I use every single dish and cooking gadget in the entire kitchen, so maybe it's that I like to make a mess. I don't cook very often because I hate to clean all of those dishes when I'm done. My dishwasher can only hold so many dishes, which means I have to do several loads of dishes, and with my schedule, I'm lucky to have enough time to cook one meal AND load the dishwasher once, let alone multiple times.

I don't like to follow the instructions provided unless I know it's one of those steps or ingredients that MUST be done/used in order for the dish to turn out in the end. I think this is my refusal to play by the rules, or color inside the lines. Starting to sound that cooking is alot like my approach to life. It is so hectic and random, but in the end, everything comes together as a final product that is either edible or outstanding...either way, it is sufficient. When things get so hectic and scattered is when I become the most focused. I take pride in my work as well as my cooking because both are done my own way, and I love to do both.

My favorite meal to make is jambalaya, and although I have a recipe, I make mine completely different...that's the fun of it. I like mine better than the "real stuff", but I don't know if it's because it tastes better or simply because I made it myself. I'm always up for a new challenge in cooking, and it won't be long until I add my own twist to any recipe to make it my own!

Cheers,
Rocco

The Beautiful Game, Part I

This is my first attempt at describing the best sport in the world: football, fuβball, fútbol, futebol, voetbal...and of course soccer. This game is often called "the beautiful game" and if you've ever seen a match involving the Brazilian national team, you'll know just how beautiful the game can be. I grew up on the "American" sports: baseball, basketball, football. Soccer was never known or discussed in my house or my city.

I never really considered sports as providing an outlet for artistic creativity, but the more I watch and play the more I'm convinced that soccer is an art form. The instincts required to play nearly require an artistic mind. When done correctly, I think soccer can probably be played blindfolded. You can feel the movement of the players, know how they are going to react, where they are going to be, and how the ball is going to bounce. The game can be played with straight-up skill, sharp passing, ball control, all of that, but that's not what makes it beautiful. It's the cross-overs, bicycle kicks, nutmegs, volleys, half-volleys, give-and-goes through defenders, and juggling. Just last weekend, I was watching the Man U game, and the left back hit a long ball into the right side of the box...Allan Smith was running down the right side then into the box, picked the ball out of mid-air with his right foot, knocking it over the defender toward the center of the box, took two steps to the left and fired a first-time half-volley with his left foot. The shot was saved, but the creativity involved was amazing! He could have made it easier by just trapping the ball and trying to make a move, but he decided to infuse some creativity with the skills involved, and it was truly awesome. Very few players, even at that level, can think fast enough to make these types of things work. I think this is why I've become so hooked on soccer...there are these moments and flashes of brilliance all the time and I just can't get enough. I sat front row at midfield when Real Madrid came to Chicago and was blessed with the most brilliant display of artistic expression I've ever seen live, and being that close made me appreciate it even more.

Cheers!

Admission:

I ramble when I'm tired.

Thoughts a-racin'

Today I'm having another one of those days. The ones where I wake up in the morning and I have a thousand thoughts going through my head, and I can't stick with just one for more than a couple of seconds. This really takes a toll on my productivity, because when I'm trying to write or read something of importance, my mind starts to wander. To where I wish I knew. I'm not sure if it's just been the complete lack of sleep for the last 2 months as I've tried to make billable hours for work, or that I'm just becoming burnt out. I've even taken time to shut my door at work, look out onto the lake, and just push everything out of my head and just forget about everything even if for only a couple of minutes. Doesn't work. I see something that reminds me of the next things, and the next thing, and the next thing ad infinitum. It's hard to sleep when you've got so many things in your head. It's like a jukebox that has a hundred CDs in it, it's put on super-fast-forward and repeat. Honestly, I have started nearly 10 drafts of different posts that I wanted to write about today, but only got a paragraph finished before I had to move on to the next topic. I am writing something for a huge project, and days like this can set me back more than a day because I know better than to try and write on days like this because the thoughts I put down are even more disjunctive than this post.

However, I decided that since I've worked over 200 hours already this month, it was time for me to treat myself to a night out! I went out with a couple of friends to a great see-food restaurant, which seemed to help my concentration problem. Good company, good food, good fun. Although I was with friends from work, we talked about things other than work (sans the one quick question I had about a project). I was happy that I only drifted off once in nearly 2 hours, but I didn't feel bad because any time this particular topic is brought up in any conversation I always drift off to the same point.

BTW, I won my court case today! My first official win as a lawyer! The saying goes that a lawyer who represents himself has a fool for a client, but today was the one exception.

Something to take my mind off of whatever I need to take my mind off of:














Here's to tomorrow!

Cheers.

Music Review

I've been listening to the boots of the Pearl Jam concert that I attended a few weeks ago, but I hate to admit it...but I sprained my neck rockin' out to the song Porch. Over the last couple of weeks I have fallen in love with this song. The lyrics are simple yet amazing, and the angst in Eddie's voice truly portrays how deep the feelings conveyed in the song run. Because Eddie always tends to mumble when he's singing, I never really new all the words to the song, but I figured since I'd injured myself because of this song I should at least know what it's about. When I pulled back the curtain, here's what I found:

Porch (written by Eddie Vedder)

what the fuck is this world running to
you didn't leave a message
at least i coulda' learned your voice one last time
daily minefield, this could be my time by your...
would you hit me?
would you hit me?
all the bills go by, and initiatives are taken up by the middle
there ain't gonna be any middle any more
and the cross i'm bearing home
ain't indicative of my place
left the porch
left the porch
hear my name, take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand, walk beside me
i just need to say...
hear my name, take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand, lie beside me i just need to say
i could not take a-just one day
i know when i would not ever touch you...hold you...feel you...in my arms...never again...


Here is a sample of the song so you can hear for yourself a part of the anger/sadness/hurt/fear that the song is all about: http://tinyurl.com/9joys or http://tinyurl.com/9r4ho

As my friends know, I've never been a lyrics person. I sing songs all the time, but if I don't actually know the words, I just either make them up or sing what it sounds like they are saying regardless of whether what I'm singing makes sense. Yeah, that goes along well with the fact that I dance to an entire drum corps. Anyway, this was just a song that I heard in his voice the message and didn't need to know the words, but now that I do, I enjoy the song even more. Within the last couple of lines, he pretty much sums up exactly how it feels at the end of a relationship. I love it and hate it all at the same.

Cheers,
Rocco

Sdrawkcab

That's right, I think things in life are backwards. The best example I can think of is retirement. Why is retirement at the end and not at the beginning? We go to work every day for a goal that we may never achieve. Why can we not do retirement first, then spend our later years working?

The way I see it, after going to school for 20 years, I deserve a break...an extended vacation. I don't ask for much, just a few years. Give me until I'm 30, then I'll hunker down and work until I pass out. The 20's are usually when people make the most memories in their lives, but that's probably because we are old enough to know better but still young enough not to care. We should be out enjoying life to the fullest every day without the weight of a job or a career getting in the way. I think we would be much better workers when we report to the job on our 30th birthday. Besides, I think I would enjoy traveling, reading, seeing, listening, enjoying everything I could experience much more in my 20's than when I'm in my 60's. That's not to say that once we start working at 30 that we would never get a vacation. Yeah, there are some flaws in my theory, but life just seems like a backwards mess to me, and this is one proposal on how we could get more out of it.

Cheers,
Rocco

List #2

Top-5 Favorite Movies of All Time (or at least for right now):

1. Finding Neverland
2. Field of Dreams
3. Rudy
4. Gladiator
5. With Honors

honorable mentions: Good Will Hunting, Blade 3, Empire Records, Star Wars/Return of the Jedi, What Dreams May Come, Memento

Is this Heaven?

Although I haven't been everywhere in this world, or even too many other places for that matter, I do think I have found what I consider to be the closest thing to heaven: San Diego/La Jolla. This is a place I like to go to get away from evreything, forget everything, and this area allows you to do just that. The scenery, the people, everything seems perfect...or at least close. There are just not enough words to describe what it's like to wake up and hear the tide rolling in, hitting the cliff just below you...waking up and walking to the best restaurant for brunch a couple of doors down, sitting outside on the porch eating some Coast Toast while watching surfers try to catch some waves while sunbathers do their thing...then cap the day with the most awesome sunset in which the only thing between you and the sun is a bunch of water on the horizon. Yeah, it's easy to forget the worries and troubles that await my return home, but for the few days at a time that I get to spend in this wonderful place is just so refreshing. I've often considered moving there, but there are times that I think it would be best that I not do so just so that the mystique and awe remain. Anyway, here's a short pictoral of my piece of heaven...oh yeah, and these pictures are in FEBRUARY!

My hotel, the La Jolla Cove Suites (http://www.lajollacove.com/):













Views of the hotel:














Here's an elevated view of the area from Mt. Soledad:

Road Trips

So I'm sitting here tonight thinking to myself that maybe, just maybe, I'm a bit too old to do certain things. Sure, I can't be a ball kid at a soccer game, and I'll probably get funny looks when I get stuck in the ball pit at McDonald's playland, but there are certain necessities of life that I'll never outgrow...and my favorite is the ROAD TRIP!

I've made several road trips in my day, but as I look back I didn't partake in enough of them. Driving has been one of my escapes. Always has been, always will be. When I just want to get away from reality, there's no better release than to jump in the car and take off for nowhere in particular. Of course, one would think that getting lost is a downside...not me! There is no such thing as lost, just temporarily displaced. I know where I came from, but without a destination, I can't be lost.

I have had many road trips, and each is memorable in its own right, but one always seems to stick out when I think back about the best times I've had.

My all-time favorite road trip is actually several of them combined. My friend Zach and I have pretty much made this more of a pilgrimage than a road trip. The road leads to nowhere else but Columbus, Ohio! Why Ohio? The armpit of the midwest? Good question...nothing but "the beautiful game" (known in the US as soccer). Zach and I have made this pilgrimage three times so far, and each time we have had different companions join in. All three road trips have been to watch the US Men's National Team play World Cup qualifying matches...and all three are memorable in their own right. The trip to Columbus usually takes us about 7 hours to get there from Chicago. We leave early in the morning, get there sometime in the afternoon, and the soccer match starts at about 7PM. The ride down is great...I drive all the way and it has always been non-stop talking from the minute we leave Chicago to the minute we arrive in Columbus. Zach and I (as well as our compatriots) have no shortage of topics that are covered, but the can't-miss has always been soccer talk. Favorite teams, favorite players, favorite plays, you name it, we've probably talked about everything topic relating to soccer. The trips down are the times I enjoy the most...a chance to just relax and be with friends.

As the game finishes up, we all know what lies ahead...MORE DRIVING. Yeah, that's right, these pilgrimages are a one-day event. Luckily, the roads are fairly clear on the way back, so it only takes about 6 hours, all the stops at every Stake and Shake along the way included. That makes 13 hours of driving in a day just to watch a 2-hour soccer match. It's well worth it. I can never make the entire drive back, and I'm glad that Zach is the late-nighter because he takes the late shift as we pull back into Chicago about 3AM the next morning.

These pilgrimages are exhausting and take a toll, but are well worth it. Sure, we could crash somewhere on the way back, but that's part of the fun...making a day of it. Of course, this last one we left a day early, but that's only because I knew I wasn't going to sleep that night awaiting the sequel to "La Guera Fria" that we partook of in February 2001. Road trips are the way to go, and I look forward to the next one. Never too old for a road trip. Experience different cultures (and you'd know what I mean if you've ever been to Kentucky); hear people talking funny; and just see the world. I know that when/if I retire, I'm selling everything I own, buying a motor home and traveling. All I need to do now is figure out what song my horn will play!

Lists!

Here is my top-10 list of favorite events of my life to date:

1. US-Mexico match - September 3, 2005
2. Pearl Jam at HOB - October 5, 2005
3. Hamburg SV - Borrusia Dortmund - fall '95 (I think)
4. US-Mexico match - February 28, 2001
5. Graduation day from law school
6. Notre Dame - Michigan football game - fall '04
7. Hamburg SV - Bayern Munich - August '02
8. Pearl Jam - summer '03
9. Real Madrid match - summer '05
10. November 7, 2002 - officially licensed!

PJ at HOB

Since my senior year in high school, I've been a huge fan of Pearl Jam. This is the band that seems to express exactly how I feel. Their songs run the entire gamut of emotions, but they always seem to have an edge to them...even the "ballads."

As morbid as it may sound, I'm making a list of "things I want to do before I die." This is a very short list, because I'm continually crossing things off the list, but I also continue to add to the list. At the very top of the list is to take a trip to every continent, including Antarctica. Right below that one was "See Pearl Jam live." In the last couple of years, I have been fortunate enough to see them twice. Once was at sold-out United Center for their Riot Act tour. The second was a couple of weeks ago at the House of Blues here in Chicago.

This concert was nothing short of amazing. Although it's been a couple of weeks, I still have a hard time putting into words just how much I enjoyed the concert. They sang every song that I would have requested, other than "I am a Patriot," "Jeremy," and "Yellow Ledbetter," but it didn't matter. Eddie let the crowd sing along, and he playfully chatted with the crowd between songs. My favorite part of the concert was in the middle of "Porch," he stepped off the stage, got some help from security to get over the barrier between the crowd and the stage, and was held aloft by the crowd. Here's a couple of pictures for me to remember:














It took me nearly a week to recover from this concert. Not the amount of smoke, or the ringing of the ears from the loudness of the music, but from the euphoria of seeing my favorite band in such an intimate setting and being so close to the stage that I felt I was standing right next to them. I'm glad I've got pictures now, because it is proof to myself that I've been there and done that...another thing to mark of my list!

Cheers,
Rocco